I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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