hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
