And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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