i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
