Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
