I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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