I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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