i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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