Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
