Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
