He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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