all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
