I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why are your pants in the freezer?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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