WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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