He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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