STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
