You smell like a Billy Joel song
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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