You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
