I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
