Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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