Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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