OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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