yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
