My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
