Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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