I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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