Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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