just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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