Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
soo... how was my night?
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