he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
