i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
