fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am one with the molecules
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
