You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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