If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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