Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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