her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
