Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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