the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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