Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the day after is always just damage control
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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