you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
