This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
