Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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