not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
