I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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