I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
