The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
