hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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