The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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