Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
