I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
