Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
