His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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