Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
