hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
