she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
