Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
