I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
