you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
