youre lurking in front of me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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