new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
